falling apart

i cant help it. i mean is there something wrong with me? why cant i have a stable relationship? why cant i just have a good guy like me for once. why cant it go my way?
every guy that i've been with well it hasn't exactly worked out for me yet. all the guys that i dont have feelings for have feelings for me and vice versa. i mean occasionally there will be a guy who likes me back or a guy who likes me will grow on me and i'll like him back. However this rarely happens and now i feel like everything is falling apart.
recently i got this feeling that there was something that was just empty inside. i mean it wasnt always like this. once when there was this guy who i cared for deeply that feeling wasn't there. but when he screwed me over this giant gaping hole appeared in my heart and i just want it filled again. i thought that maybe i just need to care for someone again, i need to find a guy who i can trust with everything and i can talk to about anything and that can be there for me and that he can feel the same about me. it is so much harder to find this prince charming than it seems. he's one in a million and whats the chance that you'll find him... but im not gonna give up... one day my heart will not be broken and someone will care for me and i will care for them like no other and i will find my prince charming but for now i've just gotta live through the pain and hopefully this pain will go away....



well yeah thats whats been on my mind....i dunno if it makes sense or not but yeah

why does this always happen to me...

things never work out for me. seriously. i am really indicisive so when i make my mind up about something it's for real like no turning back and then it doesn't work out. like in this instance i like a guy i couldnt make up my mind about him for a while and when i decided that i liked him i dropped every other guy that i had any feelings for whatsoever. and now it turns out that this guy thinks of me as a sister. phhhhh. and theres no way of me regaining any of the feelings that i had for the other guys because thats how i am. and it hurts because those other guys are really nice guys and they are truly amazing and they deserve the best and gahhhhhh i'm just stuck right now.

WHO LOVES CINDERELLA!!

not the movie silly
the song by steven curtis chapman!! if u haven't heard it then you are definately missing out. i got hooked on it from a friend at work who is equally amazing as the song. it's about his daughters and how quickly they grow up and how he isn't going to miss any bit of it.
it's really good. it's insanelly touching and it makes me wonder how my parents see me and makes me realize that they are there for every last bit of everything and that they wouldn't want to do anything other than to be there for me through thick and thin.
if you havne't heard it then go listen away.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUk5SZ18WhY

^ it's not the video but it's the song and in the info it has the lyrics.

LISTEN THEN LOVE!

lemme know if i'm alone on this one

am i like the only person who has been stood up by the same guy twice?? cuz seriously it kinda seems like it. the most unbelievable part to me is how a guy could do that...you know? like how could u tell a girl that ur gonna be there and then just not show up or even call to say you can't go. seriously i wouldn't be able to do that. i'd feel sooooo awful if i did do something like that..GAHH ok new topic. how about my two favorite men in the entire world...BEN&JERRY!!! OMG i ate like wayyy too much icecream yesterday. but it was reaaaaly good. i had like 2 pints of the chocolate with the brownies in it. OMG yummmmmmm
ok so this is for all the facebook and myspace users...but mostly facebook, you know how u add all those silly applications just cuz like social me and are u interested. yeah...what to me is the sickeest thing in the universe is how nasty some of the other people are. like if your like 60 year old man why would u even tell a young woman that ur interested. That is just disgusting.

ok i think im done with my rant on all that stuff for now.

back

i just got back from Arizona. It was totally the bestest time ever! i'll put up pics later.
ok so like right after we got there i had my sixteenth birthday and we just hung out by the pool, went shopping and we went to the olive garden (YUM!)
we went on a few hikes and bike rides but mostly hung out by the pool.
one of my friends Sonja came to visit from Colorado and we went to the Grand Canyon with her. The canyon is seriously one of my new fav. places it's soo pretty. i hiked like 3/4 the way down with my dad then i turned around and he kept going. Eventually i started hiking with this guy named Rob back up the canyon. He was really nice.
Then After the Canyon we met a couple guys at the condo. the first guy we met was Daniel. He's 16 and from wisconsin. i never got his email
Jon is 14 and he lives in the same community as i do and he's pretty chill.
Michael is 12 and he's Jon's younger brother. This kid is seriously like the coolest kiddo ever! he's really chill
Jake...dear god i wanted to drown this kid (i never would that's horrible of u for thinking so) he is 11 and he kept hitting on me. and when me and Daniel and Jake were just chillin and it got quiet for a little bit. jake would yell Awkward!! even though it wasn't. really gay.
then Sonja left and we stayed up that entire night. Sonja, me, my brother, Daniel, Jake and Jon watched movies in the workout room all night. it was funn
then me and my dad went to ASU and asked some questions and then we left and i got home this morning and i slept ALL day and the next week or so are gonna be crazy.

well i'll post pics later from my other comp
much luv
krysia