one more thing. about the anorexia photos. im doing a project for school and i posted them so that i can show them at school for the project. having pictures helps people to grasp the reality of it so yeah.

mmmm

so i havent written in such a long time. so i thought that i'd stop by and say something...probably alot but whatever. me and my friends were talking and i mean whats the point of a blog? so you can tell people about your life? it's so egocentric. then we figured that when were old and wrinkly we can come back and read what we wrote. read what we thought was important, read what we felt. you know?? i dunno. i mean even now im going back on some of my posts from earlier this year and i mean seriously?? i dont know why i wasted so much energy on this, so much time and emotions on some of these things. kinda silly. ok so whats been goin on in my life?? not too much actually. I timed a ddf meet at west a few weeks ago. that was alot of fun. i met some crazy cool people and i had alot of fun. we finally finished our IB project. the picture one?? oh wait i havent said anything about that yet. ok well we took on a mini-grant project like an anti-drinking campaign. we did a poster campaign but on the desktops of the computer, our message was that if you go drinking one night then the next you wont be there for the people who need you. and we depicted different situations as if one person was missing. it came out really good. hmmmm. then we have finals soon. urrrg. i havent really been studying, which i probably should do because i really need to bring up some of my grades. hmmmm. oh wow. i just heard the funniest thing on the radio. it's like 10 ways to keep a healthy level of insanity. good stuff. there were things like put a garbage can on your desk and label it IN. Page yourself over the intercom and dont disguise your voice. change the coffee at the office to decaff until people get over the cafeine addiction, then change it back to espresso. and sit in your car in a corner somewhere but that your still visible to traffic and point a hairdryer at cars and see if they slow down. haha and #1 maintain a good sense of humor. i think thats so important. keeping a good sense of humor. i mean there are so many grouches out there and they dont realize how much they're missing from life from being grouchy. anywhoo. hmm anything else? i dunno, christmas break starts in 5 days. im really excited! were going to arizona for the holidays. im really excited i love arizona. it's so pretty! well i gotta get goin. gotta finish some homework before company comes over. well much love to friends, much love to people who care. much love to our troops, best wishes to everyone.

http://everything2.com/e2node/How%2520to%2520become%2520a%2520better%2520anorexic

CRAZY MUCH???

falling apart

i cant help it. i mean is there something wrong with me? why cant i have a stable relationship? why cant i just have a good guy like me for once. why cant it go my way?
every guy that i've been with well it hasn't exactly worked out for me yet. all the guys that i dont have feelings for have feelings for me and vice versa. i mean occasionally there will be a guy who likes me back or a guy who likes me will grow on me and i'll like him back. However this rarely happens and now i feel like everything is falling apart.
recently i got this feeling that there was something that was just empty inside. i mean it wasnt always like this. once when there was this guy who i cared for deeply that feeling wasn't there. but when he screwed me over this giant gaping hole appeared in my heart and i just want it filled again. i thought that maybe i just need to care for someone again, i need to find a guy who i can trust with everything and i can talk to about anything and that can be there for me and that he can feel the same about me. it is so much harder to find this prince charming than it seems. he's one in a million and whats the chance that you'll find him... but im not gonna give up... one day my heart will not be broken and someone will care for me and i will care for them like no other and i will find my prince charming but for now i've just gotta live through the pain and hopefully this pain will go away....



well yeah thats whats been on my mind....i dunno if it makes sense or not but yeah

why does this always happen to me...

things never work out for me. seriously. i am really indicisive so when i make my mind up about something it's for real like no turning back and then it doesn't work out. like in this instance i like a guy i couldnt make up my mind about him for a while and when i decided that i liked him i dropped every other guy that i had any feelings for whatsoever. and now it turns out that this guy thinks of me as a sister. phhhhh. and theres no way of me regaining any of the feelings that i had for the other guys because thats how i am. and it hurts because those other guys are really nice guys and they are truly amazing and they deserve the best and gahhhhhh i'm just stuck right now.