falling apart

i cant help it. i mean is there something wrong with me? why cant i have a stable relationship? why cant i just have a good guy like me for once. why cant it go my way?
every guy that i've been with well it hasn't exactly worked out for me yet. all the guys that i dont have feelings for have feelings for me and vice versa. i mean occasionally there will be a guy who likes me back or a guy who likes me will grow on me and i'll like him back. However this rarely happens and now i feel like everything is falling apart.
recently i got this feeling that there was something that was just empty inside. i mean it wasnt always like this. once when there was this guy who i cared for deeply that feeling wasn't there. but when he screwed me over this giant gaping hole appeared in my heart and i just want it filled again. i thought that maybe i just need to care for someone again, i need to find a guy who i can trust with everything and i can talk to about anything and that can be there for me and that he can feel the same about me. it is so much harder to find this prince charming than it seems. he's one in a million and whats the chance that you'll find him... but im not gonna give up... one day my heart will not be broken and someone will care for me and i will care for them like no other and i will find my prince charming but for now i've just gotta live through the pain and hopefully this pain will go away....



well yeah thats whats been on my mind....i dunno if it makes sense or not but yeah

why does this always happen to me...

things never work out for me. seriously. i am really indicisive so when i make my mind up about something it's for real like no turning back and then it doesn't work out. like in this instance i like a guy i couldnt make up my mind about him for a while and when i decided that i liked him i dropped every other guy that i had any feelings for whatsoever. and now it turns out that this guy thinks of me as a sister. phhhhh. and theres no way of me regaining any of the feelings that i had for the other guys because thats how i am. and it hurts because those other guys are really nice guys and they are truly amazing and they deserve the best and gahhhhhh i'm just stuck right now.